Uncertainty

When I was young and naive back in college (also known as 5 months ago), I thought being an “adult” would be awesome. I would have a daily routine, work a certain number of hours, find an exercise schedule, have my bank account increase, not have the stress of homework. Ya know, awesome adult life. I did not expect the sadness of missing the town I grew to love. I did not expect disappointment from a job that I thought would be perfect and ended up being frustrating. I did not expect discouragement from looking for another job so shortly after starting a new job. I expected happiness from a job, because I love kids. I want to be with kids.

Life is not always what we expect it to be. We dream of perfect jobs that end up being horrible, we dream of big houses when we have to live in a tiny apartment, we dream of being married and having lots of children and end up single. We dream of traveling, when we really are broke. We dream of a marriage that is perfect, that ends up being challenging. We dream of children who listen and obey, but do not even sleep through the night. We dream of fancy cars, that end up breaking down. Life is not always “fair.” Our dreams and aspirations do not always come true. Sometimes we face really hard times. We are sad, discouraged, annoyed at life’s circumstances. I think my short three months of my tiny troubles taught me I really do not know the future. 

I’m a dreamer. I dream of getting married, having children, working at a preschool that I worked hard to make. I dream of having a M.S. in HDFS so I can teach college students. I dream of having a big home where I can invite people over to drink tea, to eat food, to play games, to have parties. I dream of a life full of happiness. I’m not guaranteed that. I’m not “guaranteed” or promised anything but food and clothing. (Matthew 5:25-33 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,  yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,and all these things will be added to you.) 

I could lose people, things, my health. And I need to be okay with that. I need to have confidence in God that He will give me strength, I need to have confidence He will take care of me. I’m thankful I do not know the future, it helps me trust in God more. He’s wiser than me.

(Isaiah 55:6-9 “Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call upon him while he is near;
let the wicked forsake his way,
and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him,
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”)

I’m not very old. I honestly have not a lot of life experience, but I think God does not have a specific plan for my life. I think He just wants me to dedicate my life wholly and completely to Him no matter what. Even if that scares me. Even if I think I am unable to lose things or people. God thinks I can, because He only gives me what I can handle. He will be my escape of temptation. (1 Corinthians 10: 13 “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” And praise God for that.

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